Uncertainty

I recently quit my job.

I was stressed. Burned out. I was unhappy. Everything seems to be not working right. The passion to work with that company has died.

Hence, I quit.

Knowing that this will be a risky decision, I still quit. It was not an impetuous decision, I can say. I've thought of this for a couple of months perhaps. Too many things and turn out of events that lead me to this action.

Though I am jobless now, I have plans. Too many things I want to do. I plan to venture on a new endeavor. I plan to change the working environment I am sick and tired of. I want to have a new source of income. A much easier and fulfilling ways to pay my bills.

But it ain't easy.

It's like challenges after every challenges. Too many obstacles along the path.

The feeling of uncertainty arises. I've been thinking now if I made the right decision. If I am doing the right thing. If this is really for me.

No one knows what the future holds. We can not tell what will happen next. Some say you just have to go with the flow. But for me, only dead fishes go with the flow.

Amidst all these challenges, I am thankful I have a supportive partner, Leo. I also get support from my family, but knowing that he is always here for me is really what gives me strength to not give up on whatever I want to pursue.

I am not sure if I can make this, but I can say, at least I tried. Whatever happens, I guess I'll just charge it to experience and move to next the plan. I am standing this decision.

We can't always make the right decision, but we can make every decision right.

Best Partner Ever

After my heart-damaging break up with my 4-year relationship, I kind of thought that no one will ever love me, or will even like me.  I'm flawed. Scarred.  Imperfect. Immature. Aloof. Not good-looking. Not that smart. Not that tall. In other words, very much unlikable. I've been rejected couple of times. And so by then, I was slowly accepting the fact that I might be single and lonely for the rest of my life.

But I was wrong.

Just when I thought there's no one for me, you came along. You came in to my life and changed eveything.

You met me when I was at the lowest point of my life. I was at the worse of my worst. You've seen how badly crashed and broken I was then. And yet you chose to pursue me. You chose to fix me. You didn't give up.

You have shown me different perspectives in life. In love. In everything. And the day that we became officially couple is one of the happiest days in my existence.

You are the best partner ever. I feel happy and privileged that I am yours and you are mine. I appreciate eveything about you. Those efforts on your part just to see me. Our everyday exchanges of I Love You's. Our nightly conversation about anything and everything as you drive your way home. Your simple message when you are busy at work. You being patient with me when I'm being maarte. You taking care of me when we're together. The food that you cook for me (kahit minsan feeling mo hindi ako nasasarapan sa luto mo, pero na-a-appreciate ko 'yon). Your selfies. Your song covers on smule and soundcloud. Your hugs. Kisses. Everything!

You are very supportive. You are always there every time I need motivation. You are the one pushing me when I'm about to give up. Making me feel that I can do things I thought I can't. You believed in me.

Honey, you are my inspiration. You are the reason I believe in love again. You are the reason why I believe in my self. Since I have your love my life has changed for the better. I am happier than before and I feel motivated to be better every day.

No words can describe how thankful I am for your love. For everything.

Love is not really a mystery. It is a process like anything else. A process that requires trust, effort, focus and commitment by two willing partners. And Ni, let me tell you this, YOU ARE THE BEST PARTNER EVER.

I love you, LEO.

29!

Just when I thought it is gonna be just another ordinary day, it turned out to be one of the most celebrated birthdays I had. 😊

What else could be more meaningful than celebrating your special day with the ones you love the most? I had the chance to celebrate mine with my family and with the love of my life, Leo.

Dec.5. My siblings planned a birthday dinner. Their treat. ^__^. We went to a hotel resort somewhere in the city. The place is cozy. Ambiance is relaxing and offers a club-like vibe yet very calm and refreshing. Food is perfect. Authentic korean food it is. Something new and interesting to try. It has been awhile since we last went out complete, hence, making the experience meaningful.

Dec. 6. Honey brought me to a place I've never been before. Harbor View Restaurant. I love the concept of the place. It's basically enjoying sumptuous food with the perfect scenic view by the bay. The calmness of the water gives a perfect delightful mood.

Food is great. So much variations to choose. It was really an experience, indeed.

Dec. 7. Birthday sex.^_^ I literally welcomed my 29th year with a bang! Honey is super sexy. Oozing with sex appeal. It was one of the best sex we had. I'll just leave it there. 😁

This year has been a year worth celebrating. Too many lessons learned. Many experiences worth remembering. And as my age moves to another year forward, I know this will be more interesting year ahead. Aging is truly a privilege.

To honey, thank you for coming into my life. I know I'll be spending more birthdays and the rest of my life with you. I love you.

blue

Special day has always been just another ordinary day. Nothing special. Hope this one's gonna be different.

Question Mark

Few days from now, I'll be turning 29.  Maybe that's the reason why I've been thinking random thoughts lately. Random things. Mostly questions. Questions I've yet to answer. Questions like, how I've lived my life so far? Was I able to achieve what I envisioned to achieve when I was young? Am I doing the right thing for my future? Am I really happy with my career? Do I make my parents proud? Am I ready enough to face whatever will come in my life?

All these and other petty, sometimes silly things have been popping out on my thought bubble. Maybe this is what they call quarter-life crisis(?). A phase in life where one asses his life and seeks direction as to how he's lived and how he will live, in all aspects of life. A feeling of being trapped by personal life choices arises. The feeling of as if you are not in personal control of your life.

At nearly 29y/o, I feel like I should have been way more than I am by now. I should be getting more than what I already have. I should be doing things I've always wanted to do. At this age, I should have achieved my goals. But no, not yet. I feel like being left behind.

Yes, I have my dream job. The job I've worked hard to get. The profession I always wanted to practice. But am I happy? I used to. I was happy and contented, then. Now, it's as if I'm like a tree. Steady. Not moving. I think it's human nature to want something more once we get what we used to want.

However, having all these thoughts in mind, I know I am better than this. I can do something.

It's time to take control.

Time to understand that this feeling of uncertain state actually represents an opportunity to live better on so many levels. It is an opportunity to break out of older social patterns I previously thought I should follow as my life’s course. Time to rebuild my life. Develop new commitments more attuned to my interests and aspirations.

I've come to realized that the most efficient place to start resolving these thoughts and feelings is personal surety of self. Changing how I  live to be what I truly want to be is the most efficient path to take in making things better.

I may not be the person I've always wanted to be, but I know I'll get there. I will.

"I'm still working on my masterpiece."