Question Mark

Few days from now, I'll be turning 29.  Maybe that's the reason why I've been thinking random thoughts lately. Random things. Mostly questions. Questions I've yet to answer. Questions like, how I've lived my life so far? Was I able to achieve what I envisioned to achieve when I was young? Am I doing the right thing for my future? Am I really happy with my career? Do I make my parents proud? Am I ready enough to face whatever will come in my life?

All these and other petty, sometimes silly things have been popping out on my thought bubble. Maybe this is what they call quarter-life crisis(?). A phase in life where one asses his life and seeks direction as to how he's lived and how he will live, in all aspects of life. A feeling of being trapped by personal life choices arises. The feeling of as if you are not in personal control of your life.

At nearly 29y/o, I feel like I should have been way more than I am by now. I should be getting more than what I already have. I should be doing things I've always wanted to do. At this age, I should have achieved my goals. But no, not yet. I feel like being left behind.

Yes, I have my dream job. The job I've worked hard to get. The profession I always wanted to practice. But am I happy? I used to. I was happy and contented, then. Now, it's as if I'm like a tree. Steady. Not moving. I think it's human nature to want something more once we get what we used to want.

However, having all these thoughts in mind, I know I am better than this. I can do something.

It's time to take control.

Time to understand that this feeling of uncertain state actually represents an opportunity to live better on so many levels. It is an opportunity to break out of older social patterns I previously thought I should follow as my life’s course. Time to rebuild my life. Develop new commitments more attuned to my interests and aspirations.

I've come to realized that the most efficient place to start resolving these thoughts and feelings is personal surety of self. Changing how I  live to be what I truly want to be is the most efficient path to take in making things better.

I may not be the person I've always wanted to be, but I know I'll get there. I will.

"I'm still working on my masterpiece."